Lying in the Light: The Truth in the Gaze

When writing about Judas, Peter also came to mind. Here you have two stories of Jesus being betrayed by one of his disciples, yet the outcome is different. Peter’s story reminds us that even when we sin greatly, God is there to forgive and restore.

Peter’s denial of Jesus was just as much of a betrayal as Judas, although his response to his actions is very different from Judas. Just now as I was typing this out, the direction I was going to go changed. The Spirit reminded me of something I spent some time focusing on about a year ago. The topic was sin and contemplating what the worst sin is. I handwrote two pages about this after having an epiphany during this process, I turn back to those now to articulate my thoughts with you. Promise, I will bring it back to Peter, bear with me :) 

I will be the first to tell you that I think lying is the worst sin. You can even ask my five-year-old, “What’s the worst thing in the world that someone can do?” and his reply will be “tell a lie.” I am not ignorant of the fact that this is Melody’s theology and not God’s. I will argue that Satan is referred to as the “Father of Lies” and most other sins require some shape or form of a lie to commit, whether we verbalize it or it’s a lie we believe ourselves to justify some behavior, there is some lie masking out the truth of God.

God does not have a scale of sin. Every sin, from anger to murder, from white lies to adultery, has the same outcome if they are not repented over. All sin, no matter how small it may be, goes against the very nature and will of God. So, in actuality, I know there is not a “worst sin”. 

What helped me understand this was seeing that sin only has earthly differentiators. In the Kingdom of God, the consequence is the same. Think about lust and adultery, both are sins, we know this from the Bible, however, often lust isn’t known by someone’s spouse. Adultery on the other hand is going to have very different consequences: an untrusting partner, a divorce, possible financial repercussions, the list goes on… Let’s say even if the lust is made known, the person may say “I didn’t act on it,” or “it was harmless.” That’s the deceit of the heart.

Jesus talked about this in his Sermon on the Mount, specifically with murder and adultery, and equated them with unjustified anger and lustful thoughts. The same is true with entertaining a covetous thought and stealing. Another one, we think we will get away with is gossip or slander. You murder someone or you slander another person’s name, you have harmed them, and God will not justify it for you. 

Even for myself and thinking that lying is the “worst”, I try to keep in mind that even if there is a worst sin, that doesn’t mean that other, “lesser” sins are excusable. Sin is sin. I also try not to compare my sins with the sins of others. My first concern should always be my own sin, whatever it is. God’s standard is not how well we measure up to other people but how we measure up to Jesus. When I do fall into this trap of wondering how someone could do something so sinful or evil, I am humbled by remembering that even in the “worst” of sins, God can still forgive. Just as there is no sin too small to be considered worthy of punishment, there is no sin too big that God cannot forgive it. 

I am going to bring it back to Peter now. Hopefully, you can see how this ties together. Peter’s denial was no worse than Judas’. What I am eager to point out to you is a tiny detail that is only mentioned in Luke when telling of Peter’s betrayal. Chapter 22, verses 60-62 reads: Peter replied, “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly. 

The detail: The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Peter had looked Jesus in the eye shortly before this and could not fathom that he would ever betray him. Then, their eyes meet again. Jesus looked Peter in the eye. I think that look broke Peter’s heart. Looking truth in the eye will humble you. But it’s necessary. You may go out and cry. Do it if you need to, there is no shame in your tears before God. 

I don’t know about you, but I have had someone make sure I was looking them in the eye when they made a promise to me specifically because they told me they would never look someone in the eye and lie. I am sure you can guess what happened. That promise was not true. Whether the person knew it at the time or lacked the self-awareness to know of it, it was still a lie. It didn’t matter what circumstances changed or what had transpired, it was no longer valid. When it was made it didn’t come with fine print, it didn’t have “as long as you meet these standards” and it will remain in place. It was another person’s word. I have had friends tell me things that they knew were not true, or they left out details of things intentionally. Friends, withholding information that can help another person make an informed decision is the same thing as lying. I mention this, because in both scenarios that just flashed in my mind, one thing is consistent with both individuals: neither one of them can look me in the eye. I would be lying myself if at times I don’t get angered when I think about it, but the anger usually comes from a selfish place and thinking of myself. The real hurt I feel is thinking about Jesus and when he sees this behavior, wondering what it must feel like to hang on a cross for someone you loved so much yet they reject you. My hurt can’t compare to that. Sure, I can play defense attorney in my head sometimes and say “I never lied to these people, I opened up to them, I showed them love and they betrayed me,” but He always humbles me and I hear his whisper, “me too, me too. I am so very aware of your pain.” So, I pray for these people. I pray for the people that hurt me. I don’t pray for them to apologize to me, I don’t pray for reconciliation - I don’t have to, I know if they found Jesus those things would happen, but it is not why I pray for them to find Him. I pray it for their children, I pray it for my son, I pray it for future generations, I pray it for The Kingdom. 

I hold myself to the standard that if I say something, or commit to something, then my given word is binding. If something does change, I will admit that, however, I will not allow myself to blame another person for my change of heart on the matter. It is kind of like that with love for me, I don’t believe people fall out love. Once you love someone, you love them. People fall out of trust, out of connection, out of intimacy, out of understand, out of harmony, but true love doesn’t dissipate. When I love someone, really love them, that doesn’t change. Their placement in my life may be different and our relationship may take a different path, but love remains. Hate is too easy. Being a Christian isn’t about life being easy. The enemy will make you think that God wouldn’t let you suffer the way you are, he will make you think it’s supposed to be easy. He will even make you think that you can take the things that are despicable to God and make them holy or just. 

Peter couldn’t even see that he would be betraying Jesus, because Peter didn’t know himself. He had no self-awareness over the matter. And just like Peter, there is still a glimmer of hope in the middle of our darkest moments. God intervened in Peter’s life, prompting Peter’s realization and repentance. It was the piercing gaze of Jesus and the recollection of His words that stirred Peter’s conscience and led him to that place of sorrow and repentance. 

We often want to avoid that gaze, we want to numb our wrongdoings with the things of this world. That is why we see so many people who overdrink, overeat, avoid church, jump into new relationships before making peace with an old one, spend money on unnecessary things and unnecessary pleasures. I can’t imagine that God is very pleased with this world and our habits. 

Just like Peter, we may be devoted followers but we still all struggle with our flesh. We all sin… every day. Peter did not fully understand Jesus’ call to deny self. This led to his own shortcomings. It wasn’t just one moment of misjudgment; it was a culmination of various missteps and failures that led to his denial. Peter was overconfident, at times disobedient, he failed to pray in the garden, he was impulsive (remember he cut off a soldier's ear at Jesus’ arrest), and all of this set the stage for his denial of Jesus. Not just once, but three times. Peter was a devoted follower of Jesus, but so full of failure. Pretty relatable, huh? He was so sure of his loyalty that he succumbed to fear and weakness when faced with the reality that Jesus was going to be crucified. He was a coward, but that is not what we should remember. Peter didn’t even know himself, he didn’t believe he would deny Jesus when he had first said it. It didn’t mean it was any less true when it happened. He honestly didn’t think he would do such a thing, but he had not been brought to the end of himself. 

Peter's tears of remorse were not just expressions of guilt but reflections of a genuine turning away from sin and a turning towards God. His restoration was not contingent upon his own efforts or merits but was a testament to God's mercy and forgiveness. Jesus' post-resurrection reaffirmation of Peter's love serves as a testament to the depth of God's grace and His willingness to restore even the most broken of individuals.

Peter's story reminds us that no matter how far we may stray or how badly we may sin, God's forgiveness and grace are always within reach. His story shows us the transformative power of repentance. Just as Peter was restored to fellowship with Jesus, we too can find hope and assurance in the promise of forgiveness and restoration through God's grace. It is a reminder to approach our failures and shortcomings with humility and repentance, trusting in God's faithfulness to forgive and restore those who truly seek Him. 

We can rejoice in the midst of hard topics because JESUS! It’s always Jesus. He is the answer. As I analyze this once again, maybe what is truly the worst sin is unbelief. Faith is how we rightly respond to God. Faith is how we live our lives. To reject that and to reject Jesus is to accept the penalty for our sins. 

Let’s get in the mindset of not comparing the actions of Judas and Peter in terms of betrayal, sin is sin. Instead, let us see their destinies that were shaped out of their actions. What we can compare between the two is their journey of faith following their sin. Peter seeks forgiveness through repentance and finds redemption showing us the importance of humility and the transformative power of grace in navigating our failures and finding spiritual renewal. I hope our stories can relate to Peter more than Judas’, and I pray that your story will be a reflection of that cross. So close your eyes, imagine now you are standing in front of Jesus and your eyes meet: what is it that the Light of the World wants you to see in that gaze?