The Only Way Out is Through, Part III: Navigating the Path of Spiritual Discernment and Personal Growth

Yes, there is a part 3… what happened last night got something stirring in me and this time I did not push it off until later. 

Going back to the sermon clip I mentioned in part I: you may think it seems that God is withholding blessings from you, but that’s not reality. God desires to pour out blessings upon you every single day. The only one who can hinder you from receiving His blessings is yourself. As you can see through my own confession last night, we are often our own worst critic.

In a conversation with a pastor this week, I asked if he thought a person could completely kill or darken their soul, inquiring if God actually gives up on people. He reminded me that at the start of Romans, Paul says that God will give a person over to a reprobate mind.

One translation is, “And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a reprobate mind, to do what ought not to be done.”

The CSB translation in front of me reads, “And because they did not think it worthwhile to acknowledge God, God delivered them over to a corrupt mind so that they do what is not right.”

Here Paul teaches that those who reject God spiral into increasingly foolish thinking to justify their stance. They fall further and further in their foolish ways and thinking. When God allows people to succumb to a reprobate mindset, it signifies their refusal to acknowledge Him. As a result, they are given over to corrupt thinking, leading them astray from what is right.

 C.S. Lewis addressed this in The Great Divorce writing, “There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘Thy will be done.’ All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. Those who knock it is opened.”

The good news is that this condition can be reversed through the transformative work of the Holy Spirit, giving us a new heart. We all fall short, we all miss the mark. We all sin and we all need Jesus, for he is the only one who can free us.

When I first posed the question to my pastor about God giving up on some people who intentionally turn away from his instruction he told me this, "remember the same sun that melts ice cream will harden clay."

A day after this conversation as I sat next to another pastor at lunch, I spoke with him about growing up Baptist and the concept of a person not losing their salvation. This is often misunderstood as to say a person can live how they want and they will still get to Heaven. The concept is actually that once you are born anew in Christ, you are a new person and the old ways are behind you, therefore you shouldn’t be capable of losing your salvation. You may have witnessed a person that purposefully decides to dismiss the will of God at some point. Following that you often see a series of more bad behavior and wrongdoing. The pastor I sat next to mentioned that as Methodists we believe in free will and that God gives us a choice. That concept of the Lord being a gentleman I mentioned in a previous post. We all have the freedom to choose whether to accept or reject salvation. The Holy Spirit is present in our lives to provide assurance and guidance. 

The main distinction I want to make is that there are instances when we do things instinctively, human nature. We get angry that a car just cut us off and we had to slam on the brakes. That’s natural, it’s not sinful. The person could be careless and inconsiderate, or they could have just totally messed up without when realizing that you were right there. The emotion of anger is not wrong. However, say we decided to respond with an annoyingly long honk or an unpleasant gesture or calling this person obscenities and yelling in our car. People get to a place where that’s their instant reaction, every single time. We can also get to a place where it’s not. We can train our hearts and minds. We can see the situation differently, and respond to them in a way that is pleasing to God. Seeing how people react or overreact can show us a lot about their character. 

There is a difference between an instinctual reaction, as in those times we almost wreck and holding back feels impossible, and times where we have chosen a sense of ignorance. Times where actions are willingly taken to ignore God’s voice. Times when one may say “That’s not convenient right now, so let’s do it my way for a bit and table that.” That’s what I described happening to me yesterday, I admit it. It’s the decision to make a choice that conflicts with God and turning your back on him that can lead to another choice and another choice. Eventually, you don’t know your way back, you become lost. It may be that you find yourself so full of shame and guilt from the first decision that you allow yourself to waller in that place instead of being convicted to do what is good, right, and true. When life gets so clouded by darkness, turning back to the light is difficult. Because here’s a truth: darkness must flee when light enters. It must react to it.

I believe what Paul described at the beginning of Romans teaches us to be cautious with thinking we can turn to our understanding or thinking, even just temporarily. It may become a permanent state in a person‘s life. 

That being said, we all listen to the wrong voice sometimes. We can use these experiences to train ourselves. To be able to distinguish between what is the right and what is not. 

In part 2, I wrote, “They have also given me insight into just how easily people are led away from God, all it takes is one small turn from God‘s voice and then it leads to another lead, eventually leading to the point where we don’t even see our own shortcomings.” It is not easy to admit, but I know the voice of the enemy because I have listened to it. At times I have justified doing so. 

How would one know that an apple wasn’t an orange unless you could recognize the taste of each? You wouldn’t. Writing that now reminds me of something I saved last year about lemon trees. Here comes my rabbit hole. I promise to reconnect this thought… 

It was an article that I saved last year. Hold on, let me find it. Ok, I’m back, found it, and am even more certain I am supposed to share it now because it is not about a lemon tree…it’s about an orange tree and an apple tree! The comparison I literally just typed. I emailed it to myself on January 18, 2023. Eighteen days after I made a very big mistake. I hurt somebody I loved with my words. I hurt myself with my words. I hurt God with my words. I was so angry. There was nothing wrong with my anger. I could tell you it was very much justified and chances are you would probably agree, however, I didn’t give myself time to respond to it. Instead, I reacted. What I should have done was taken the time to be still and discern over what my emotions were trying to tell me. Anger is okay, but it is usually a mask for something else. In that car scenario, I gave previously, the anger is a mask to fear, fear of being in a wreck, or of what could have happened had you not seen those brake lights. My anger in this was sadness and hurt. I felt betrayed, manipulated, and abandoned by someone that I was certain would never do any of those things to me. Anger is what tells us to fight; sadness tells us what to fight for. Instead of processing that, I fought against what I wanted to fight for. I accused and condemned. Actually, maybe not accused, accusations aren’t always factual, a good portion of what I said was very much true. God doesn’t accuse, but he does convict. It is through conviction of our wrongdoing that we are able to repent. But that's his job. I’m not God and I wasn’t letting God be God in that moment. I didn't speak the truth with love. And I did condemn the person’s actions; there may have been some truth/light in what I said but again, darkness must reflect to the light. This time it did react by fleeing, as it always does, but not in the way I wanted. We are to be instruments of light and there are times when God calls us to shine light into another person’s life. There are right ways to do it and there are wrong ways. I was wrong on that New Year’s Eve. I was so scared of what the truth might be, that I forced it to be shown. Often the voice is very clear that God speaks to me, "be still". There's an art to doing this and one we all must obey to get in alignment with him. I was not still…I was anything but still. 

You’re probably thinking, “so what about this article and orange trees?” I know, told you..rabbit hole. 

In reflecting on the aftermath of breakups in various of life, friendships falling apart, business deal not working out, a marriage or a relationship ending, the author highlights the tendency to become entangled in a repetitive cycle of dwelling on the past and fretting over the future. Whether internally or through interactions with others, this fixation on what has been and what might be keeps us from being present and responding appropriately. Questions like "what if" scenarios dominate thoughts, seeking validation through revisiting past events and speculating on future outcomes. Eventually, we exhaust ourselves and all those around us. 

The metaphor of shopping for an orange tree is one I want to share as is from the author. It reads:

We know we want oranges so we go shopping for an orange tree. Unfortunately, we settle for any tree with little round baby green fruits on it even if the tag says “green apple tree,” or the tag may very well say “orange tree,” but we know that it doesn’t resemble an orange tree whatsoever.

We invest our time and nurture the tree with love and energy. We water it with tears trying to get the tree to produce oranges and we refuse to accept that apple trees don’t give oranges.

We continue to feed and water the tree with more of our time, love, and resources, hoping that with enough effort, the green fruit will turn into an orange.  When the apple tree produces round fruit, we can stay in denial, ignore the signs, ask why it won’t give us oranges after everything that we have done for it. Eventually, we either break up or break down.

This is why we rehash the past – all the effort, the pain, the arguments, the drama of cultivating the tree. We rehearse the future when we don’t get the fruit – even when we know it was never an orange tree.

We can stay in this time zone for very long periods of time.

Getting on the White Horse enables you to get above all the bs. It allows you to reevaluate your relationship, examine your part in what took place, and choose how you are going to respond to the situation instead of bouncing from one reaction or relationship to another.

However, it can be very lonely on the white horse. After all, there’s only room for one. (Here's the full article.)

Going back to that mistake I made, the things I said. I didn’t get on my white horse, I got on my high horse. I was rehashing the past for sure; things I had accepted and committed to moving on from. I failed, and that's okay because I recognize it. Even though the recognition was too late in this case, it doesn't have to be going forward.

Maybe on some level, I had settled for just any tree. At one time it was definitely an orange tree, I am so certain that I can taste it. But the circumstances changed at some point and some conversations needed to be had that didn’t happen. There were things kept in the dark that were creating confusion and this orange tree I once had was exchanged for a tree with immature fruit. I felt my part had bore fruit in the relationship: love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. Did I say patience? Haha...seriously though, I should have remained secure in that. Instead, I lost it all in one lashing out via text message expecting to transform the immature fruit of another into the fruit of the Spirit through my actions. Puh-lease, Melody. I compromised desires and my own spiritual maturity due to emotional exhaustion and desperation for clarity. This illustrates a tendency we all have at some point.

It has been a long journey once I recognized this and decided to saddle up that white horse. I still have a long way to go. 

I like to think of myself as quick to acknowledge my wrongdoing (only due to the work of God in my life). I also believe in the 12-step program and that the entire world could benefit from it. I believe in the power of making amends as far as it depends on me. Learning that I can’t control that for others is hard. There is a place inside of me that wants to save everybody. One of my greatest traits is also a fault, I have eyes that only want to see the best in people. Due to this, I want to bring them into the light, yet I realize I can save no one, not even myself, only Jesus can. I made my amends within a few hours before going to bed that night, the shame of my actions produced conviction to what I needed to do in my life to have that orange tree once again, I need to let God be God and trust he would handle it. And sometimes he doesn't handle the way I want him to, I'm still learning to accept that. My words went unread for days, maybe weeks. I never got a response. But God responded, there is assurance that it is in his hands.

My journey as a Christian has deepened as I have gained experience over time. My relationship with Jesus has matured through some of the worst storms and biggest losses. It is through those things I grieve that I have often learned to discern God’s voice with more clarity. Similar to our relationships with family and friends, communication is key. If we stop communicating with them, their voice becomes distant. It’s simple, really. We may make up assumptions or stories in our minds about why we aren’t hearing back from someone, but without direct communication, we can’t distinguish truth from fiction.

Walking alongside Jesus is similar. I must admit, sometimes I am not walking alongside, He is carrying me. Either way, it is by staying close to Him, that I learn to discern his voice. That has grown with time. And as you have read, there are days like yesterday when I try to insert my own voice or will in the picture.

God is always communicating with us. While this is true, not every sign we see is from him. The enemy is constantly trying to detour our journey, placing signs in front of us that deceive us of truth. Just as Jesus faced temptation in the wilderness, we encounter our own daily battles.

Each day, Satan presents us with false promises and deceit, enticing us to forsake God's truth in pursuit of fleeting things. The enemy works a lot harder with people that are living out God’s purpose or the path to do so. The closer you are, the harder it gets. His number one goal is to keep us from reaching the goal. He wants to distract us from our God-given purpose. He wants us to stray – he wants you to be in that place where God gives you over to a reprobate mind. He doesn’t have to work as hard on you at that point. It makes his job easier. He will entice you to chase material possessions, over-focus on work, and keep secrets and hidden sins in your life. In moments of weakness, we all succumb to these temptations, sometimes without even pausing to consider our actions. We get frustrated at that driver who just cut us off and you call them a name or give them a quick gesture of hate. We get frustrated and yell when our kid makes a mess that we have to clean up. Our patience gets tested by a co-worker who needs to get something back to us and we express our irritation. We completely ignore someone trying to speak to us, too busy focused on our own agendas or harboring an old resentment. We get angry at the smallest of things. These are just a few of the ways that we give into Satan’s temptations and let him win. They all are ways in which we allow our hearts to be hardened.

There are times when we find ours in relationships that we know God didn't lead us to, we still try to make it right by him. That is Satan, speaking in our lives. Crossing our paths with someone who brings out that old self that was supposed to die in our new life with Christ. He convinces us that we can entangle our lives with a person without God's hand orchestrating it and then we make it fit into God's will, we cannot manipulate God into seeing something as good, right, or true when it simply is not. We feel we "deserve" it, we act like toddlers, "I want it!" It doesn't matter, it won't work. God is good at being God. We are not.

It is very easy for Satan to influence a relationship that is void of God. That is why it is critical to discern our relationships and put God in the center of them. He wants you on social media more than he wants you in your Bible. He wants us to be selfish, he deceives us and makes us believe that we can trust perceptions and our limited knowledge. To fight our sinful nature, we must first die to ourselves and give the Holy Spirit control.

Going back again to that instance where a reckless driver provokes us, and we react impulsively with unkind words. Or the other scenarios I named that trigger frustration or test our patience. These scenarios, among others, paint a picture of just how easily we yield to Satan's temptations, unintentionally granting him victory. Today, let's reflect on our Christian journey and evaluate our response to such trials. Are we allowing Satan to hinder our closeness to God? Do our actions align with our commitment to represent Jesus faithfully?