The Only Way Out is Through, Part II: Writing, Self-Discovery, and Spiritual Discernment

I’m glad I wrote last night. I needed to, especially following a day when on more than one occasion I had convinced myself I had no skill for doing so. 

I have been offended when people have told me I am a wordsmith, and somewhat defensive. I recognize that most have never meant any harm from this, but I take it as if they mean my writing is something that I orchestrate for self-gaining purposes. That just isn’t me. I usually can’t allow myself to go back and proof what I write multiple times, or I add to it and change it, where the end result is turned into a novel. This has happened in devotion writings, emails I sent as a business owner, and notes I have shared with people I love. Writing to me is therapeutic, it is a release and this blog allows me to extend that beyond my own journey. Most of the time when I have written, I have felt that most are going to find the flaws in it and roll their eyes as they are reading. I am sure this is true at times, I do it to myself. But when I write, I just write. It is one way I know how to slow down the thoughts swirling in my head and truly express myself. Throughout this entire blog site, you will find misspellings, there will be grammar and punctuation errors…I am not here to be perfect, I am here to be real with you (and to get the 10,000 notes off my phone and formulated into real thoughts). Some will most likely take the time to find my flaws and pick at them. That is just the character of some. And that's okay. What other people think of me is none of my business.

There also may be thoughts I share on here and at another point in time I have a different perspective or conviction relating to it. If that happens, when that happens, I won’t delete what I have shared. I will tell you about it.

I have had some thoughts come to me since last night, especially in follow up to how I wrapped up that post with, “I believe that if we don’t obey something small, then we eventually won’t obey something big. And at some point will we not recognize his voice anymore and mistake the voice?”

The answer is yes. I knew that when I wrote it. We see this happen. People get so confused they don’t know what is the voice of God and what is the voice of Satan, and eventually, they confuse the two and mix them up. 

“If you listen to the wrong voice, you will make the wrong choice,” is a quote I love. I did an assessment of ministry gifts recently, and my results landed me evenly between two gifts. The results are broken down into sections and information, two of the sections are “with you” and “without you”. Here are a few of mine from each section:

About You:

• You have a good grasp on reality.

• You are capable of helping others make better choices for themselves.

• You are concerned for people's hearts and emotions.

• You feel people's pain when they hurt.

• You see the answers to relational dysfunction.

• You embrace people and make them feel like they are welcome and included.

• You are exceptional at having fun and enjoying life.

• You are an excellent listener.

• You have a soft and tender heart for those who are hurting.

• You are curious for deeper understanding, learning and revelation.

• You are able to explain complex ideas and concepts in ways people understand.

• You are the type that will search and research what you don’t understand.

• You feel like you can see situations clearly and provide clear answers.

• You feel like you never stop learning. 

• You can feel frustrated when others don’t have the same hunger to learn like you.

• You can distinguish between what is from God and what is not from God. 

• You frequently get gut feelings and are usually right about your opinions. 

• When you read, God puts situations, people and specific examples into your heart.

• You have a soft and tender heart for those who are hurting.

Without you:

• People remain in stuck in their pain and brokenness.

• People are held down and not lifted up.

• People don’t know where to turn.

• Lies are never challenged.

• People do not hear God.

• People don’t understand why they should change.

• People are bored with the Bible. 

• People attribute the works of Satan to God.
  

If I am being honest, I don’t fully understand how to comprehend the results (but you better believe I will spend the time figuring it out, haha). I can’t objectively tell you if the lists above are all accurate for me. A few of them I am certain are applicable in every circumstance, for sure. When looking at the “without you” category, I am aware that there are people who don’t want me in their lives because of some of the exact things listed. I can’t focus on that, I just pray that others do. I have never been one to force. I don’t force my will or God’s. Through God, I have learned that people have to make their own choices and sometimes those choices can break our hearts, but they belong to them. 

Overall, I found the assessment pretty neat. The main label it gives me reads “You’re a Soul Healer in the Kingdom.” In another section, it says, “You are a light giver in the Kingdom” and then below in another category, “You are a heart revealer in the Kingdom”. I can’t be all these things. And certainty not to all. Wah! What am I? I will say, that I am definitely not a person who seeks all my wisdom based on assessments that humans have created. I love Myers Briggs, the DISC profile, and the Enneagram. They are all frighteningly accurate, pieces of this one as well, but they aren’t the full picture. With any assessment, I stand firm in believing that God is what defines me above all else. These things might provide great insight into my personality (and they do), but no matter what they say, I am a child of God. 

I hope this doesn’t come off as a humble brag, regardless when I do look over these results, I acknowledge that I can distinguish between what is from God and what is not from God. I have spent a great deal of time learning to recognize the voice of God. A lot of that comes from understanding the heart of God. Recognizing his voice is not always instant and often requires using the gift of discernment. 

I say that and wrote this to point out that it is not hard for any human to get it wrong. I have misinterpreted God’s voice many times in my life (see part III). I have been reminded that the same God that gives, takes away. Part of my journey to hearing his voice has also been looking at his advisement through scripture as to what the enemy’s voice speaks. That's not the only way though; some of the greatest knowledge I have gained in distinguishing his voice has been through my own experience. When I stated that I have spent a great deal of time learning to recognize His voice, a lot of that came out of the times that I did not listen to it, and the consequences that resulted from doing so. There have been friendships lost, there have been heartbreaks, there have been words left unsaid, and there is time that I am unable to get back, all these things due to my own disobedience or unwillingness to be still enough to listen. 

The Lord convicts me pretty quickly when I stray. I am not one to withhold an apology when it’s due. All of these times and all the mistakes I have made have allowed me to deepen my faith. They have also given me insight into just how easily people are led away from God, all it takes is one small turn from God‘s voice and then it leads to another, eventually leading to the point where one is not even capable of seeing their own shortcomings.

We must understand the heart of God to even have knowledge of where we made a wrong turn. It’s humbling and sometimes feels a bit humiliating, nevertheless, it’s where our true strength lies. We so easily convince ourselves we are doing the right thing or that something is for the best without even acknowledging God’s wisdom or instruction. Our hearts will deceive us into thinking we are justified in mistreating others or that someone deserves to be abandoned or abused. God would never condone these things. Not in this world, not in His world. As my pastor likes to say “sin, flesh, and the devil” - well that right there, my friends, is all three.